SBP c06s01
Text I used to think that friendship was unnecessary, that it only got in the way of things. Sure, I understood the purpose of having a good study partner, or of having multiple people working on a research project in tandem as part of a team. But friendship, well. I didn't see the point of socializing, especially not outside a work environment, especially beyond what was necessary when it served no obvious purpose. Even my assistant I failed to look at and treat as a friend. Our relationship was simple and businesslike at almost all times, even if he would be kinder to me than I required and would sometimes attempt conversation outside of what I requested. I did not understand this was friendship. It wasn't until I came to Ponyville and met my five wonderful and now very close friends, that I really began to understand what friendship is, and what it means. Princess Celestia assigned me to study the magic of friendship, and I've done so with great vigor… and admittedly, allowed myself to relax and have fun along the way. Yes, sometimes I take my studies more seriously than I do my friendships: it's a bad habit, just like the fact that I have a tendency to try and… schedule everything down to the minute, how I obsess and become anxious over the smallest, strangest divots in life… but I am learning. I am trying. And funny as it sounds, I'm getting better, little by little. A lesson I've learned is that friendship isn't just about the good, though… it's about the bad, too. It's about trusting others, and knowing that they may hurt you, even unintentionally. It's about sharing yourself with others, even parts of yourself that you know are scary, or that they may not entirely comprehend. It's about making yourself vulnerable, and exposing your deepest, darkest self… it's about a lot of things that many ponies don't understand themselves. I think I understand why I'm here, learning about friendship. And I know I'm lucky to: because more and more, I've come to realize that not a lot of ponies… really understand friendship themselves. It's about give and take: it's about doing for others, and letting others do things for us, too. And it's not just about fun and warmth, but responsibility… and I take my responsibilities very, very seriously. And lately… it seems like there's something wrong with everypony around me. I mean, it's not like I'm without flaw myself: anxiety, constantly worrying about the Princess and what she thinks of me, always wanting to be better, strive harder, obsessing constantly about my studying and my work. But I've learned that… my friends come before even that. Strange for me to say, maybe, and I guess in a way it's cheating a little, since I'm supposed to be studying the magic of friendship anyway. Still, though, it's the honest truth. My friends come first, before everything else… I think, before even myself these days. Funny, huh? I used to be so self-absorbed… now, I can't live without these ponies in my life. I honestly, really can't. Even though I'm training under Celestia herself and entrusted with an important research project and the Elements of Harmony, I had a wonderful childhood under doting parents, and I'm close friends with Luna, Princess of the Night… I couldn't have done any of it, I wouldn't be where I am today without my friends. All my magic means nothing without my friends… all my strength, my position, my everything. I'm… I've become very, very dependent on them. I get anxious when I'm by myself, which is rare, thankfully… Spike's often around, and now he's more like a little brother than just my number one assistant these days. And there's always another pony or two, too, who I can meet up with and talk to, and I'm getting to know the other ponies of Ponyville better with each day that passes. Of course… they'll probably never be as close to me or as important to me as my five friends. My 'mane' friends. You get it? Okay, okay, it's a bad pun, I know. But… but something's wrong. Lately, more and more, I look at them… and I'm not seeing the good side of friendship right now. Pinkie Pie's bouncy as ever and smiling so much, but her smiles… she seems so strained, and she seems desperate for attention, even more than usual. Applejack's been leaving on 'business' more often lately, and she's been depressed, hard as she tries to hide it. But you can see it in the way she stands… and the way she refuses to meet anyone's eyes, like she's ashamed of something. Rainbow's almost the same way, and… she's not flying as much anymore. She's on her hooves a lot, or standing on the clouds. Just standing there in the sky, not flying, not throwing herself into wild dives and stunts. And Fluttershy… god, poor Fluttershy. The other day, I was looking for a book in the library when she was helping me clean up, and I was examining the lower shelves… and when I happened to look up, just a little, I saw… awful cuts all over her underside, hidden by her legs. I kept telling myself at first they might have been from… I don't know, anything but what I knew they had to have been from. But they were all straight, short cuts… Even Rarity. She's been… scornful, almost. Haughty, almost trying to separate from us, spending a lot of time in her boutique… but I see her so often, sitting in the window, staring out at us or up at the sky like she's waiting for something or, more likely, praying for something. I'm worried about them all, and I don't know what to do… I wrote to the Princess, asking for advice, but Princess Celestia only told me it was something I would have to figure out for myself. To think of it like a test… except tests you can study for, and don't put your friends' lives on the line. Okay, maybe that's… a little harsh. But sometimes it seems that way, like one wrong move and everything we've built will come crashing down on top of us. It just struck me as… callous, almost. Or maybe the Princess knows what she's talking about… I'm not sure anymore. Yet she's right, I can't deny that… my friends' problems are my problems. That's part of what being a friend is all about… Yeah… that's right. Sharing your problems and your burdens as well as everything else. That's what being a friend is all about. But maybe they're all just afraid to, and need a little nudge. I'd… I really want to help them. From the bottom of my heart I want to help them, I just need to figure out how, but maybe the solution is so simple that I'm just overstepping it all. Maybe I should just… invite them all here. To talk things out… give us all a chance to talk to each other and… see what happens. We'd be exposed, and vulnerable… and I can just imagine though, how hard that would be. Fluttershy is always so, well, shy… Rainbow Dash refuses to admit she has feelings and Applejack's proud and responsible… Pinkie, well. Good luck even getting her to sit still for five minutes. And Rarity can't stand to seem undignified for even a moment. And me, well… somehow, at some point… I was made the leader of our little group. It just happened, naturally, even though they were all the ones who had to save me. Even today I can't say I entirely understand it, how it happened, or even why it happened. I only know that it happened… they look to me for advice, they talk to me about things that are going on, they almost… look up to me. Yet I'm always their friend first… I'll always be their friend first. And god knows I'm as messed up as they are, at least… then again, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm the lucky one… who knows what's wrong with them, after all? It could be something awful… or maybe, maybe they don't want to be friends anymore. Maybe they don't feel that way or… no, no, no. That's anxiety talking. That's the obsession with picking apart every little piece of every little thing, of… overanalyzing the smallest little details and ballooning it out of proportion into something horrible. This isn't about you, Twilight Sparkle. This is about them… about their problems. And you'll feel a thousand times better yourself, all that anxiety will be washed away in an instant, if only you can figure out a way to aid them, even if you at least give them a place to safely vent with one another. They mean so much to me. So much more than they can ever understand… I'm sometimes scared, even, of what I'd do to keep them as my friends. Of what I'd do to stop our friendship from being torn apart… of the things I'd do to preserve it. I love them all, dearly, dearly… and I would stop at nothing to get them what they wanted, to save them, even from themselves. They mean as much to me as Princess Celestia does, and Celestia was once my entire world. I guess that's no surprise, though… my parents were good people, but they were… bland. They were… my parents. I care for them, and I know they care for me, and I feel safe in my home… but… Celestia was always exotic, wise, powerful, and beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Princess Luna… Celestia is my idol, still, but… now I have friends, who aren't so distant, who don't come across as so… different from me, among other things. I can't imagine myself being 'friends' with her, so to speak, because… I look up to her so much. Idolize her so much… see her as something so very, very far above me. It's funny, isn't it? I respect her so deeply she can't be my friend… even if I'd like her to be. Even if I dream of that, but I don't know if I could ever earn my place as her equal… but Princess Luna, is not as unreachable. Not as… distant, on as elevated a plane. I still respect her, adore her, find her… gorgeous… but it was so… different with her. When Luna looked at me, spoke to me, it was… it was strange. There was… the spark. That same spark I felt back in the Castle of the Pony Sisters, when we were retrieving the Elements of Harmony… when I first realized how important my friends were to me… That's right, isn't it? We were all connected from the start… no, even from before then. From long before then, since we were foals, since we all saw the same rainbow in the sky, heard that same mighty blast as Rainbow Dash performed the sonic rainboom… I understand now. I understand all too well, that we really are all connected. I think I'm finally starting to clearly see, to clearly know what to do. It's all just a matter of sitting down… and letting your thoughts, your instincts, your heart find its way. Of recognizing the value of your friends… and that even when you're scared and alone… learning they'll be there for you. Learning to let them be there for you. Learning that true friends never turn their back on one-another. So I think my course is set. I think I know what I have to do… come hell or high water, even if the sun falls from the sky or the stars blink out of existence, I need to bring my friends together, and bring this all to a head. I need to tackle this before it gets any worse, make them understand their value to one another, that they don't have to be afraid, no matter how dark or desperate things are. That we're there for one another, and we'll never stop being there for one another, no matter what happens. That friendship is an honor, a privilege… and a great responsibility. I think, when all this is over, I'll have a long letter to write Princess Celestia. I only hope that I don't disappoint her… and more importantly, I only hope I'm able to help my friends with their problems. Because a real friend is there to help you through the bad times, not just the good. And I am a real friend. Top ↑ Category:Transcript Category:Story